The unexpected meeting. 

I wasn’t aware that you were coming in that certain place where I was going to. I somehow really missed you though, but this was so surprising. While me sitting along together with the other people, you unexpectedly show up which really shocked me at first. My heart just jumped out of its own, beating fast as it could be. I was so messed up at that time. I didn’t know what to do! I was panicking on how would I greet you, and talk to you once again. Talking to you once again…I really missed that. So I decided myself not to pretend that I didn’t notice you. And that’s the only way I can do to stop this continuous beating of my heart. But unfortunately, the more I avoid you, the more you can recognize me unexpectedly. So you went into me and greeted me with a simple “Hi”. Then, you held my hand and surprisingly hugged me so tightly that I could hear your heart beat so fast as mine too. “I really missed you.” You said, hugging me tighter.

I know what I’ve done to you was off and wrong. I know ignoring you was not the best thing that I did and that I should have gave you an explanation instead of keeping my mouth shut whenever you’re around for more than a year.

I know it’s wrong to have feelings for you again. I know I don’t have a place in your heart anymore. And I understand why, it’s all my fault anyways. But I hope you know I have no intentions of gaining you back because I know you deserve more than what I am. Aren’t you a big believer of the quote “When you like a flower, you pick it up. When you love a flower, you take care of it, and water it”. I’m not gonna pick you up this time. I’ll admire you as a person because you made me fall for you the second time around.

I just want to say sorry for feeling this way again for you. I know where I should stand, don’t worry. I hope you have a nice day because you deserve one.

Sometimes, I wonder why something so wrong would feel just so right. Why some things just had to be kept securely and why some things and why we had to let go of something we never really held tight. Sometimes, love can’t always change what were never meant to be. But there are always some things that couldn’t be denied. Some hearts would break even if it wasn’t meant to be broken. Some commitments just had to be left unfulfilled. Love has its own plan even if we don’t always know what it is.

I was never a professional heartbreaker. I didn’t intend to hurt others. I didn’t even want people to break down because of my insensitivity. I do have a heart and I know how hard it felt to have given yours away only to be handed it back broken. I never meant to break a heart but I admit, I did break one. I could have given out a thousand reasons as to why I had done it. I could have denied the fact that it had been my fault but I knew it would only worsen the dilemma I made myself. It was a dilemma and I did not want others to know. A secret kept so long hoping to have it forgotten as time goes by. But no matter how hard I tried to keep it inside, I just could not. It brought back memories and happy thoughts and feelings…feelings I had for the person I have always loved. It was hard. The only things that kept me going were the faded memories of that person and me together. 

It’s friday and I already missed him.

Who wants to buy my heart? I’m having it for sale. Though it’s only second hand, but still functions well. Cause once, I sold it whole..but he returned it into pieces so I had it all repaired. And now I’m back to bussiness. Who wants to buy my heart? Satisfaction guaranteed. It has free service charge and a life time warranty. So if you’re asking for the price, well..you’re in for a bargain.

It only cost your LOVE.

I was thinking, what would be my life like if I have a relationship with a blogger?

I assure you I have loved no one else but you. I assure you that next to my family, it’s with you I drew some of my strength and to boast, I had never been this strong my whole life that’s why I prefer to be selfish on some things that would surely lessen your strength, the way I say things. Forgive me, if I had been selfish all these times but if I had to do it all through the remaining days of my life, I’ll do it to keep you from being hurt, because that’s the last thing I’m afraid of causing you. I love you and I really do and please be strong with what I am about to tell you and I’m really really sorry.

Confessing your love for someone and then the feelings do not get reciprocated. Yes it’s painful, and yes this pain will probably burn for quite some time. But as long as there’s daylight in tomorrow, as long as this friendship has the slightest chance of making it through even though it would limp the whole way, one shall not lose hope, my light may seem far but its warmth will continue to embrace you.

Just because I’m hurt does not mean that I will forsake you as my friend. I asked you once to share me your pain and with this pain I shall grow, I will use it to understand you…not to judge or rush you but rather watch and wait for you. 

This new light I found shall shine and know that within me, you will always have a friend.

It was one late afternoon when I was all alone in the classroom, sitting in your armchair. Imagining what would your life be sitting in this chair near the window..gazing out..daydreaming or even thinking of me if there’s a chance, which could be impossible. And with that, something hit through my mind..I didn’t even know why the heck did I think of it, but I was thinking about confessing..in an anonymous way. So I took my pen and tried to write all these feelings I’ve been holding back against you for years by writing in your armchair. Vandalism is not pretty important to me at that time and I don’t give a damn reason about it as long as I’ve expressed this indescribable feeling for you. As I ended, my last words were a little embarrassing for a simple person like me. It said,“If you ever love me back, I would definitely accept it no matter what.” That’s it. But who cares? No one would even find out that it was me..writing a love confession to a person that I was loving secretly.

As years passed by, we graduated from school life. I sometimes, even wondered if you have ever read my confession in your seat, but you didn’t. You didn’t notice it, saw it, and even ask other people who wrote them in your seat. And I was like, feeling a little pain in my heart. It was like my heart was stabbed a million times and felt a rejection about it. I even included your name on it. Don’t you have eyes to read it? Don’t you have hands to answer it? Don’t you have a heart to feel what I feel about you? That’s why I need to forget all about you..my feelings too.

I heard there was an alumni homecoming reunion so I went together with the person who replaced you..who loves me back. As I entered our old classroom, old classmates gladly gave me a heartwarming welcome back and I felt like I was a schoolgirl once again like the way I am before. Until I saw you..all alone with everybody bringing with them their special person, the person they love. I was conscious about why you didn’t brought one. Then, you came to me and gave out a hand to welcome me as well. “Welcome back.“ You said smiling and gazing at me which makes me again, a little uneasy. I smiled back and introduced my lover to you which shocked you at first. How come you’re all alone? Did you even found the right person for you? I erased this thoughts in my mind and tried to enjoy the party.

When everything’s over, I gave myself a moment all alone in my old classroom once again. I gaze out in the window sitting in an old armchair. And it came out that it was your chair before. It was just a coincidence, and I was really tempted to read back my confession to you before..so I did. And there I saw, a familiar handwritten words below mine and I eventually knew it was yours. It all came from you. I was already shedding my tears up so badly when I finally saw your answer.

"I knew it was you. Will you love me like the way you loved me?”

I was too late.

This guy unveils such dulcet bearing towards me. He has ways of making my heart move in quick, irregular motions. Yet the barricade around me is my admonition of all the memories. And so, my first defense mechanism sets in and that is none other than to flee. But I guess I haven't flown away that far since he still continues to express such pleasant sentiments filling my heart with so much glee. Hence, I decided to left my door ajar. If the door is open just an inch or so, the air will be migrating swiftly out of the area that’s available. But, the measure of capacity of air within the house is so large that it would take much longer to dispense all of the air through such a tiny vent. Fabian policy. safety. However, I’m trapped in a mix up mystification on how to respond to it. Cause i really can’t tell if this affection is more than friends or merely he’s natural aura.

If he spends time with you, waits for your last text, waits for your call, drops everything to go to you, and listens to every little details and remembers them by heart then he loves you, hands down. Don’t over think it, he loves you plain and simple. If none of those are present.